I started this blog post last week and then it got deleted :-(… to say I was upset is an understatement, because I really like what I had. So here it goes… round 2 of I am a nurse.
I am lucky; I get to work Monday-Friday 9-5. I get up every morning and have the privilege of picking from a rainbow of scrubs. I wear certain ones depending on the patients I know I’ll be dealing with. My already gross ones get worn on days I know I’ll have disgusting dressing changes. I have issues picking out normal outfits more than twice a week and I have a complete melt down packing for vacations because that is far too many outfits that don’t include scrubs. Though I have a normal schedule unlike many of my nursing friends, I still go to work and am in a clinical setting all day long.
I am a nurse.
I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about a patient who I sent home that day wondering if they are still alive. I wake up wondering if I completed all the orders properly. I wake up with a panic with a knowing feeling that a patient of mine has probably taken their final breath and I grieve for the family members of this patient who I have gotten to know so well. I wake up in panics because I care deeper than words can truly relay.
I am a nurse.
I get yelled at by patients and their families. They are upset and irritated with what is going on and I get it, I am the easiest target. But sometimes I get done with a day and I wonder how I can go on. How I can walk back in again. I digest and process and continue to remind myself that it isn’t personal. Please remember that we nurses are humans too. Often we are only the messenger or only following the rules. Please, please don’t use us as your punching bag. Vent, cry, get upset, but remember we have feelings too.
I am a nurse.
I find medical things fascinating. The grosser the dressing change the more excited I get. I constantly want to put gloves on before I touch things or other people. I easily stick 2 inch needles in people’s butts or 1 inch needles in ports that are in people’s chest. I have a weird fascination with sticking huge tubes down people’s noses called NG tubes because of the relief that follows. I enjoy giving chemo to patients, not because of the side effects to follow but because I’ve seen it work.
I am a nurse.
I get asked to do all sorts of crazy things simply because the letters RN are behind my name. If something can’t be figured out it is the nurse’s job to figure it out, whether or not it is actually their job. I try to as graciously as possible warm up food, retrieve multiple popsicles, crackers, and other food for patients. I love to serve people, and assist them in being as comfortable as best possible.
I am a nurse.
I get boiling mad when someone gets in the way of my patient getting the best and most proper care. I fight for my patients and their families. I won’t stop until I know that my patient’s wishes are heard.
I am a nurse.
I cry with patients. I laugh with them. I share photos of my loved ones and fun adventures and they share photos with me. I get to know their families and loved ones. I get to walk life along side some of the bravest, fiercest fighters, most beautiful, caring, and wonderful people you will ever meet in one of the most vulnerable times of their lives. I am blessed because of my patients and their families.
I am a nurse. I am human. I am a nurse.