I love fitness, health, nutrition, and the joys of watching someone transform their lives. I love this just as much as I love working with cancer patients. So why for the last 3 years have a done this minimally and from a distance? Part of it was that I was getting my nursing career underway and I allowed the excuse that it took up all my focus to get away. The real reason I ran away? Because for a year straight I was in an on again off again relationship with a man who shared this passion and interest. So much so that he spoke with me many times of us working together and we spoke of sharing the same dreams I’ve had since I was a teenage girl. That dream incorporates a place where I can both serve and love on people and their families with cancer and those desiring to live a healthier life. But I let that dream disappear. I stopped chasing it because for a long time it was far too painful.
You see when we talked about things, along the way they turned into not only my dreams, but our dreams. So when all the sudden not only was he gone and left me with a broken heart, but I then found out the amount of lies he had told me, in order to cope I had to let everything that reminded me of him go. This included dreams that had once been only mine. Three years later, a lot of healing, and unfortunately a lot of time lost, I am ready to jump head first back into those passions and claim them as once again mine.
Do I regret that I let him into my heart, my dreams, and lost so much time? I can honestly say no. For a long time I did. There was a time where I spent beating myself up for falling for someone who quite clearly was not trustworthy. For entrusting things I have loved and been passionate about for a long time to someone who never really respected me. But now I’m thankful.
I’m thankful because I’ve grown and learned a lot. I’m thankful because there is a new passion and drive in me to chase after dreams and passions that have been in my heart for a long time. I’m also thankful because they are once again mine. They are not intertwined with someone who I cannot trust, but they are embedded deep in my heart. And now I know what it is like to live life without running fully after them, and to be honest, I never want that to happen again.
The best part? I can truly say I’ve healed. I once again get excited about a potential guy who shares these passions, but I’m also okay if he doesn’t. Because I know deep within my heart that fitness, nutrition, and lifestyle change are a part of who I was created to be. And I’m ready to truly chase after them, not just on a surface level, but dive into the deep waters where others haven’t been before.
If you are going through the process of healing now, know that it is okay to take time. But don’t ever, ever let an ex take it away completely. They aren’t worth it. Take your time, step back, heal, and then dive into those deep waters and allow the experience to take you further than ever.